


Pineapple Juice

by Irishgrlnextdoor



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Negan Being Negan (Walking Dead), Police Officer Rick Grimes, Satire, Spoof, YouTube Video
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 09:31:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18427802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irishgrlnextdoor/pseuds/Irishgrlnextdoor
Summary: Negan drinks too much and is an ass about being arrested by Officers Rick and Shane.





	Pineapple Juice

**Author's Note:**

> This is just for fun, hope you get a giggle.

 

Based off this video available on [Youtube  ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FQr4mk0loc)

and a tumblr prompt @ [passively-passionate](https://passively-passionate.tumblr.com/post/183643082495/everyone-remember-the-video-of-a-man-being). 

 

* * *

Negan knew he had been having fun, drinking a little more than was acceptable in even _impolite_ company. He had been having a lot of fun and getting loud enough to annoy another group at the little local bar he and his friends had rolled up on on their bikes. That to him was only more fun, and he started ramping it up just to further annoy the piss out of the other group.

Eventually they had had enough, and one had taken a swing at him. He had picked up a pool cue and busted it over the guy’s head. That had been a _lot_ of fun. There was a scuffle between his friends and the other guy’s, but the bartender managed to announce to them all that he had the cops on their way.

The other group had collected their friend that swung on Negan and split, Negan’s group rushing out to their bikes as well. His friend Simon had practically had to pull him out to the parking lot, Negan more interested in continuing the fight with the bartender snitch than actually leaving. Just how much he had drank became starkly apparent to him as his bike nearly fell on him when he attempted to kick out the stand and everything spun for a moment. He wasn’t driving anywhere.

The sound of sirens in the distance hand him pushing Simon off. “Just go, y’all can fuckin’ bail me out in the mornin’.”

Simon cussed, but unable to get Negan on the back of his bike or on his own, the man had no choice but to split, clearly pissed that he would have to get up in the morning to deal with small town cops.

It was just one car that eventually rolled up into the lot, coming to park behind Negan’s bike as he stood swaying behind it. The siren was clicked off but the lights still flashed as two officers cautiously exited the car. Negan nearly laughed at their cute sheriff hats and cowboy boots. The one driving was the first to approach. “What’s going on here tonight? We got a call that some bikers were having a scrape… this here your bike?”

“Looks like his friends done cleared off on him,” the other officer scoffed, turning on the officer camera on his chest to start recording.

Negan swayed around on his feet a bit, something changing in his mind to try to go after all. He made a lunge toward his bike but the second officer cut him off, getting between him and the bike as the first one pulled out his taser gun and took aim at him. “Step back and get on the ground right now!”

Negan was careful to keep out of reach of either officer as they inched in closer to him together, putting his hands up in the air as his head spun a bit again. “Real talk,” he pointed to the front of the officer’s car to indicate the direction he was headed, “Over here. Real talk though-

The officer wasn’t interested in any of his ‘real talk’, following along with the taser. “Get on the ground!”

Negan ignored the order, moving a little further out of their reach. He might still be able to talk his way out of this one. “It’s really-

The second officer charged forward at him and he immediately turned and beat it across the pavement, both officers falling into full-speed pursuit behind him as they dashed across the lot. He got a decent head start, shouting out as if feeling his oats. “You fast but you ain’t fast enooooooouuuuuugh!”

The first one was gaining ground on him, however, and he knew he wasn’t going to be able to just outrun him outright. The alcohol made his stomach turn on him anyway and he had to stop, dodging around a car to put it between them as he turned to face the officers, bringing their pursuit up short as the taser trained back on him.

The run had been pathetically short for how out of breath they all were, he much more so than them. He held a hand up to hopefully keep them from charging him again, pulling the first thing out of his ass to try to dissuade them from his obvious guilt. “Hey, I am… a feminist!” _Damn_ , he had drank way too much. This was over. He could tell that plainly now and started to come around from the car, still panting as his heart pounded in his chest just from the exercise.

“Back up,” the first officer advised the second one.

“Got it, Rick,” The second officer panted, both of them stepping back to allow plenty of distance to stay between them and Negan.

Negan trudged around the car, hands up, not wanting to tempt that taser at all. His pride was just as guilty as the extra beers he had had in not letting him go down quietly. “Just so you know, you didn’t get me, I got you!” he informed them with his chest puffed out. Officer Rick stayed stone-faced, but the second officer gave a snort of mild amusement. “We’re done.”  He was nearly out of breath as he dropped to knees, fanning himself with his t-shirt. His damn coat was still in the bar. He would have to get that tomorrow probably. “I’m hot. Don’t taze me- that shit stings.” He knew the drill already, getting on all fours. He couldn’t resist getting off another crack as he glanced back at how damn serious Officer Rick was, still tense and taser trained squarely on him. “My safe word is pineapple juice. You hear that?” he grinned as he stretched out and laid down on stomach. It was a huge relief to his exhausted body to be laying prone.

The second officer hung back, though his lip was starting to curl up in a smile at Negan’s teasing of the first officer. “Put your hands behind your back. Palms up.” Officer Rick demanded, repeating himself when Negan proved a bit sluggish, “Put your hands behind your back. Both hands!”

“It’s warm!” he could only pant out as his head spun and he pulled his hands up behind him.

“Stay just like that. Cross your ankles.”

Negan laughed a bit at the thought of how he must look. “Whoa, we gonna take pictures?” he had to rock himself a bit to sling one leg over the other, but managed.

The second officer was chuckling under his breath. “This _has_ to be the mouthy one the bartender mentioned to dispatch.”

“Stay just like that- you understand me?” Officer Rick commanded, getting some bass in his voice as he moved to Negan’s feet. “Bring your ankles up to your butt.”

“Swat man, what’s my safeword?” Negan retorted, just as seriously as he lifted his feet into the air.

“Bring your ankles up to your butt!”

They were already at a 90 degree angle, but apparently that wasn’t enough to appease the officer. Too bad. “That’s how far they go!” Negan objected. “You think I’m in pilates?”

That got a decent crack of laughter out of the second officer standing off to the side of them both.

Officer Rick seemed to believe him at least. “Okay, stay just like that.”

Negan wasn’t about to move. He wasn’t even sure he could with how his heart was still hammering and his muscles screamed at him. Running drunk had been such a bad idea. “I think I’m gonna have a heart attack- I’m out of breath…” the taser crackled behind him, the officer making certain it was on and ready just in case, “AAARRGGHHH!” When he realized it hadn’t fired at least, his oddly shrill scream was enough to make him belligerent with irritation. “The fuck you doing?”

Officer Rick declined to answer the huffy question, moveing in and using his thigh to pin Negan’s ankles in against back of his butt, a move that did surprise Negan quite a bit as the officer now hunched in behind him while he was twisted up like a pretzel. “Whoo!”

“Stay just like that,” Officer Rick warned, getting his cuffs ready with one hand while holding his taser to Negan’s back with the other hand. “Stick this hand up just like that. Don’t move it,” he instructed as he lifted one of the man’s hands up onto his bent knee to Negan’s side and cuffed it.

Negan pressed his cheek against the concrete, panting and grumbling. “My fucking safe word- can I change it to peaches? No, I’ll stick with pineapple juice.” Rick cuffed his other hand. “I like pineapple juice.”

Officer Rick got up and stood to the side of him, rolling him onto his side as well to face away. It gave him a clear view of the other officer, the man grinning and chuckling outright now at Negan’s nerve.

“Oh- wha!” Negan gasped as Rick started feeling out his front pocket. He fished into it and Negan made it his mission to make it as uncomfortable for the all too serious officer as he could, letting out a shout loud enough for the whole town to hear. “OH! WATCH YOUR HANDS BOY! That’s- that’s -oh that’s my lighter!” He informed the officer as he felt Rick pull the lighter out and toss it on the pavement next to him. “It don’t work. Don’t do drugs kids!”

The next thing Rick found was a bunch of loose change, Negan rolling his eyes as it jingled around. “That’s my quarters. You wanna maybe put those in your pocket?”

Rick gave an irritated huff as he simply dumped it all out onto ground to roll around and scatter.

“That is change!” Negan protested. “You know how long it took me to acquire those?! Some of those are limited edition.” He bemoaned in exaggerated offense. The second officer started covering his mouth to contain some of his chuckles from becoming full out laughs as Officer Rick shot him a look like ‘you don’t wanna help me one bit here?’

He pulled out a little flash drive from Negan’s pocket, pausing on it like the technology escaped him. “That’s my flash drive- don’t look at it,” Negan grinned, ready to make the officer really pay. “Unless you wanna see big D!” The officer blushed and tossed it away immediately, making him laugh. Next he tossed Negan’s wallet just as crossly. “That’s my wallet! You have no-

Negan grunted a bit as he was shoved around while the officer moved to his back pocket, reaching in to check. “Watch your fingers booty hole man!” Negan shouted again, grin splitting his face wide as Rick only turned redder and the second officer busted out a full laugh, shaking his head like it was the best part of his night so far.

Rick wasn’t even close to that amused, grabbing Negan by pants seam and lifting and dragging him back a few feet on the cement before flipping him back onto stomach. Negan was bigger and heavier than the officer, but obviously this one was seasoned. “Whoa! You strong!” He was rolled onto his other side as easily as a child, sending a crack to the man’s laughing partner. “No wonder y’all together…”

Rick’s face was pinched like he was just trying not to give in to the urge to silence the man with a crack across the jaw. Just like before in the bar, Negan only grinned wider and tried to up the ante. “Real talk though, every strong man has a sensitive side. You like doing the weird shit? What’s your safeword?”

Officer Rick found nothing more in the pockets, standing up from Negan with a huff and hauling him up onto his knees to get ready to escort him to the car. “Hey real talk though,” Negan insisted over his shoulder, “In my bike's saddlebags- I got snacks. Would you mind getting my snacks for me?”

Out of all things, that one managed to pull a reaction, clearly throwing the officer. “Huh? No!” he snapped, grabbing the cuffed arms and pulling Negan up to his feet from behind. “Stand up.”

Neagan groaned from effort. “You just told me to get down!” he grumbled petulantly.

“Stand up!” Rick insisted again, “Shane, knock it off,” he snapped to the other officer as the man continued to laugh into his hand.

“Okay- you don’t gotta be so aggressive!” Negan insisted as he was led to the waiting squad car’s back seat. Rick paused and leaned him over the trunk while he opened up the back door. Just when Negan grew thankful for the more comfortable rest of the trunk over the pavement he was jerked up once more.

Officer Rick grabbed the back of his head to guide it as he turned and sank backwards into seat of patrol car. “Butt in first. Get your legs in,” Rick instructed, grabbing the door to close it when Negan turned to him once more.

“Remember what I said-

Rick slammed the door closed on him.

Like that would stop him from getting the last word. “Pineapple juice!”

Shane nearly fell down in the lot because he was laughing so hard, Rick giving him a shove to show it wasn’t appreciated at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Please quickly let me know if you enjoyed, thank you.  
> Thank you for reading and if you are interested in more of my work both professional and for fun you can find me on tumblr under Irishgrlnextdoor  
> or on Instagram at Rnfloyd_official


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